


a soulmate who wasn't meant to be

by jinkosun



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, Break Up, I'm hurting myself, M/M, Songfic, i still don't know how to tag, not manga or anime related, sorry for breaking your heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:28:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25932889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinkosun/pseuds/jinkosun
Summary: eiji is getting married. ash has regrets.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 12
Kudos: 54





	a soulmate who wasn't meant to be

**Author's Note:**

> there's this song i found and i had this angst headcanon that came up so i had to write it.
> 
> it's just unfortunate that i used ash and eiji.

the sun shone beautifully in the morning, the birds chirped, and the people prepared. ash buried his hands in his jean pockets, kind of reminiscing the days he shouldn't have taken for granted. he doesn't even know why he's here, standing in front of eiji's hotel room wearing casual clothes- well, it's not like he's invited anyway. this was uncalled for, him coming here, but he can't stay put in his apartment for some strange reason. but if he's going to be honest, he just wanted to see him one last time before he lets go. so right now, he's face to face with his former lover, eiji, a surprised look evident on his still gorgeous face.

"ash?" he called, tone unsure. his named slipped out of his tongue like it's some kind of foreign word. it has been 10 years after all.

"not calling me aslan now, _onii-chan?_ " ash joked, masking the pain with a light chuckle, his fist curled into a ball inside his jean pockets.

that mere memory of what eiji called him before didn't seem to amuse the latter. he only cocked his head to the side, a confused expression on his face. ash inhaled, though his smile never disappeared, trying not to disappear. "what are you doing here, ash?" eiji asked. the blonde took notice of the japanese' tone and he found himself searching for the same fondness and affection that dripped from his former lover's voice like honey- and it hit him again that he won't ever get to hear that until his dying breath.

"i just... came to congratulate you. that's all." ash spoke, voice soft. he pursed his lips as he looked at those dark orbs that reflected his jade green ones- searching for a spark of remained feelings, to no avail. "i'm happy for you, eiji." 

the latter smiled, that same gentle smile he see's whenever eiji thinks of him. but right now, that smile is for someone else. "thank you." he replies, fidgeting with the ring on his finger.

ash stared, heart pounding against his chest, feeling pricks of a thousand needles. eiji is getting married. ash has regrets. he sighed quietly, though he doubt eiji didn't hear the amount of dismay and torment in that gust of wind. "i... uhm," ash started, rubbing his nape awkwardly. "i hope, you're happy." and the moment he blurted out those words, he wanted to run away- that's such a stupid thing to say, especially to his ex that is evidently looking happy without him. "i'm sorry- it's just... yeah, i hope for your happiness, you know. you deserve everything, eiji. take care of yourself and all that- if he hurts you i'm-"

ash paused, carried away from the amount of emotions bubbling up inside his heart. he felt a lump in his throat, he felt like suffocating. hot tears brimmed on the corner of his eyes. _ridiculous, embarassing,_ he thought. if he could turn back time right now, he would go back to that day eiji walked out of that door. should've stopped him from leaving, from meeting another man that gave him two times the happiness. he suddenly felt warm hands wrap around his now tear stained face, he hadn't realized he already cried.

" _aslan_ ," eiji called, so soft-spoken, his fingers gentle against his face, sending sparks throughout his body. ash held his hand too, not wanting to let go. "it's okay. i'm going to be okay, you too. so, you don't have to worry." he assured, smiling warmly. "i am happy now, aslan. you should be too."

ash had so much to say, but he can't seem to form a word. he pulled eiji into a tight hug, in which the latter returned. this is going to be the last time he'll feel eiji close to him, the last time he'll feel his warmth. he didn't want to let go, but he heard a phone ring- and that's the time to say goodbye. they both pulled away from each other, chuckling softly. ash mustered a smile. "i'm sorry for being dramatic, i'm happy for you. i really am."

"thank you, aslan." eiji said, smiling one last time.

ash waved goodbye, walking away with his hands inside his jean pockets. his heart still hurt. he wanted to run back- tell eiji he still loves him, but he thinks that's better left unspoken. his beloved is happy now- and if you really love the person, you can muster the courage to let go. ruining a now happy eiji would be a big mistake ash won't even dare try to do. he heaved a sigh, looking at the clear sky, the colors looking bright despite of his pain. maybe in this lifetime, they were simply not meant to be. maybe they would have another chance next time. ash made sure not to repeat the same mistake again.

_ash will now stop chasing eiji's shadow, but surely, he'll never stop wanting him._

**Author's Note:**

> this is the song that inspired me by the way !! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LQZyvbVMD4
> 
> this is so short and my vocabulary kinda lacks (i might rewrite this sometime) but i hope you like it !!


End file.
